Streams of Consciousness: To Dark Sleep, I Dream
by emmareth
Summary: Draco's thoguhts on his father, his upbringing.


**Streams of Consciousness: To Dark Sleep, I Dream...**

I am not allowed to feel, mother and father made sure of that.

Feelings are for the week, they are not for you son.

As a child, I dreamed dark dreams. Dreams of shattered glass and ghosts of the past. I cried out, shuddered in the darkness; but, they did not come to me.

Dreams are for the week, child. They mean nothing to you.

But, these dreams, these fractures of death, left their mark.

Through my tender years of youth, these dreams would come, but I left them ignored.

They told me of my weakness, they whispered the truth.

You are not me, they told me, as I lost myself amid the shadowed night. You are not me, and destiny leads down perilous paths...

I should have listened. But, ultimately, fathers voice prevailed. I could not help what I became, my father saw to that.

I stood before him, I stood trembling and I felt proud. I could change things, he told me. I could be the lever of change. He pandered to my Malfoy pride, he told me I could free you.

But, now we both know, that is just a lie. I could never free you father, because you never wanted to be free. And, as the heady free and easy days pass me by, me no longer participant, I begin to see through you.

Mother whispered to me, told me of other options. However, in my young free days, I saw nothing but you, father.

To vindicate you, I took his hand, I took his promises. To bring pride back to the family name, I took pride in his lies.

But, now, I stand, my life owed to a stranger. My life, your life, mothers life owed to someone I do not really know. Aunt Bella, warned me! She taught me not to trust in others; but, the only other I brought myself to trust, died at another's hand.

The wise one, taught me mercy, with a few words, taught me, what it is to err. He saw my imperfections, and accepted them ... Father, you could never see this.

So I stood, paralysed, immobile. Awakened by another's words. But, darkness swiftly came, and took all hope from freedom from me.

The man you taught me to hate; the man, who showed me another path. Who showed me, what I could be, who taught me the meaning of truth, died. Died, not at my hand, father. But, under the hand of someone, I used to trust.

I believed in him, in you. But, a few, well spoken, heartfelt words, threw me. I saw my mother, scared for me, scared for us. She saw, she knew, the destruction to come. She knew, how the thoughts of a sixteen-year old school boy, could topple the life we once knew.

So , father, you see , it must end now. The Dark Lord holds us firmly in hand. He tells me, it's between her and you now ... And, mother comes first, I hope you understand

I write these words to you now, knowing that death, soon, will knock on your door. I whisper sacred prayers for you knowing, knowing soon you will be no more.

In death, I hope you understand me, I hope you find the hidden knowledge it brings. However, mother and I stand together, and hope for forbidden things.

If Harry should find me., should hold hid wand to my throat. I would tell him all my secrets, I would give him the power to gloat. If, I could diminish The Dark Lord, if I had the courage to end it. I would atone you and spare you, but I have not the strength to do it.

So my hope lies with the other side, the side you most hated. And I hope in your death you bless me, and see my decision was not easily decided.

So, goodbye , father, I loved you. Although, I sometimes found it hard. I hope I shall not disappoint you, though my new path promises endeavour. In his heart we must trust, in green eyes we will find forever.

I apologise, father ... if I disgust you in my trust. But, you are gone from me forever, your bones have turned to dust.

So, forgive me father. The path that I must now lead. To save mother and our name now, to old enemies - I must turn. And if, they would defeat him; if your murderer can die. We will rejoice in his demise, and your life would no longer remain a falsehood; we would wash away the lies.

To the light, we turn now, our only way left to us. I forgive you my childhood , and seek my way forward.

And, when, he is defeated, when he is no longer no more. We will stand again, united; our name, will be not said in scorn.

Therefore, I promise you father, our name will be forever renowned. And, in death ,dear departed father, we shall carry on unbound.


End file.
